you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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