Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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