she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
