You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
