I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
