I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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