I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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