Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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