So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
