Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
