Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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