He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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