I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
