i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
