It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
