Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
