she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
