I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
