we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
