i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
