Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
