How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
