the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
