So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
