I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
