Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
