Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
