she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
