No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
