as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
