Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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