Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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