I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
