He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
