So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
