dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
