I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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