Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You took a bar mat shot.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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