did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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