What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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