I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
