I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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