Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
