I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
