You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
