you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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