I've blown a few things in my day
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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