My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
