there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
