About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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