i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
