we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
