Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
