i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
