we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
