And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
