hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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