I'm going to jail i love you
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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