being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
