North Korea, Best Korea!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
