spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize