Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
