i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
