i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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