So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need moral support for this bender
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
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