meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize
