I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
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